Every Child NEEDS to Be Special to Someone

This is a "Case Example" of how our lives are changed when we are view as "Special" to someone, and are seen and loved as an individual.

I was able to go back to Shepherd's Field Children's Village (SFCV)outside Beijing in Lungfang, Tianjin, for a 10 day visit to assess the needs of Noel, the now 7 year old child with Cerebral Palsy, whom I fell in love with back in January. This time, our team was consisted of Mary from our January's Team JAMES, Julia, one of my spiritual daughters, who is the Administrator of Pastoral Ministries at our church, Queens Christian Alliance Church, plus Xian, who is a physical therapist from my former church, Christian Testimony, and yours truly.

While SFCV looks and functions as a higher caliber of caring staff and resources than other orphanages in China, I realized that it still is very much in need of a lot more person-power, staff, funds and even as simple as, finances to provide all the children with adequate nutrition. Speaking with the two oldest teenage girls, we found out that they only get wet rice with salted vegetables for dinner. The girls claimed, "We're older, we don't need protein every meal like the younger kids do." Meanwhile, the younger children's staple consists of rice with sauce, chopped up meat and vegetable of some kind (I assume to stretch the meat and vegetables). Our team treated the school-aged children to two meals on this trip where there were a variety of dishes served, and these kids went "hog-wild" with the food and had to be reminded by staff to "stop (over)eating" so they don't get sick, as they don't have the privilege of having "so much" food on a regular basis...

Part of the lack of person-power was really negatively effecting the more physically handicapped children, like my Noel. Since Noel only has one functioning right hand (at about 85% capacity), she can't get to the visitors fast enough, and since she doesn't speak, she can't make sound intelligible enough to get any attention from adults. What I found was that she was a "Wall-flower," scooting out of the way of the surge other children in her house would swamp the visitors, and ending up helping her peers with their Legos (by handing Lego blocks to others) since more physically adapt and stronger kids regularly grabbed the Lego blocks Noel had gotten her hands on.

It was amazing to see the dramatic improvements Noel made from the one week's worth of one-on-one time I spent with her:

QUICK LEARNER: Noel picked up everything I taught or showed her IMMEDIATELY! She was such a quick learner that I thought for a minute, that, "Maybe she isn't handicapped at all and had been 'playing' the handicapped!" I've never seen anyone pick up on any task or new skill at such lightning speed!

SITTING UPRIGHT: Noel, along with other children who have poor core muscle strength, would sit "W" instead of sitting properly on the floor ~ Cross-legged. I found out on the fourth day of my visit that Noel could actually sit cross-legged, but she'd lose her balance and fall backwards when she tried. By the 10th day of my visit, she sat cross-legged throughout the 15-20 minute American Sign Language lesson I gave her class, without falling back once.

USING THE LEFT NON-FUNCTIONING HAND: Noel only used her right hand, while her left arm was always sticking out from her side, and her hand in a closed fist. When I started to take her out of her class daily (starting the fourth day on my visit), she was immediately able to follow my lead and use her BOTH hands, grasping a Sippy Cup (with two handles), to learn to feed herself water.

EAGER TO BECOME INDEPENDENT: Our teammate, Mary's, husband, Jose, had given Mary her birthday present by taking the two older classes to Beijing Wild life Park on the third day of our visit. During that visit, I had the privilege of being Noel's one-on-one chaperon, when I found that she not only had to be fed food, Noel also needed to be fed water, as she didn't seem to have enough oral muscle strength to close her mouth and swallow water properly from a water bottle. Using the Sippy cup, Noel quickly learned to grasp the handle with both hands, take a sip, swallow, stop to take a short break, and to repeat drinking water on her own. Also, with Xian's help, we gave her a spoon for her to feed herself dinner, and boy, was she eager to feed herself. As a matter of fact, Noel took on every new task and opportunity to learn and become more independent, with fierce concentration and determination!

PICKING UP AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE (ASL): It appeared that Noel's extent of communication with others was the staff asking her a question, and she's to raise her right hand if the answer is a, "Yes." Noel had learned ASL alphabet with her classmates prior to my visit. I taught some basic American Sign Language to her so she can better communicate with others. Noel used whatever I taught her right away, including asking for "More," - using BOTH hands! She had a tough time learning the sign for "water," as she had a hard time signing the "W" alphabet (her fingers weren't limber enough to do that sign) on the field trip, but by the sixth day, she was able to sign "water!" I gave her ASL name as an "N" that traced a smile from one side of her cheek to the other, to indicate how she enjoyed laughing all the time.

SITTING UPRIGHT WITH BENT LEGS IN A CHAIR: Noel was always placed on the floor mat at home and in school, instead of sitting in a chair, as staff didn't think she had the core strength to sit in a chair. Partly might be due to their over-protectiveness ("Not wanting to tire her out," one Nanny said), partly, I wondered if it's just easier on staff not to have someone to monitor and make sure she didn't fall/slide off the chair due to them being short-handed (up to 7 Nannies for 20+ children in each house). So Noel is even fed her meals on the floor and not in a chair like the rest of her peers. I saw her teacher put her in a chair on the fourth day, but Noel's legs would stick out, not being able to bend on a 90 degree angle that the rest of us would, when seated. During my one-on-one times with Noel, I had her sit in a chair, in front of a children's table, and as she got involved in the activities at hand, she sat up STRAIGHT, with BENT/90 degree angle legs!

IMPROVEMENTS ON GROSS MOTOR SKILLS: Noel and I played with various toys that helped her to improve her gross motor skills. Games such as "Fishing," "Whack a Mole," Finger Painting, or what she enjoyed doing every time we were together ~ opening and closing of marker pen caps (she learned to use her left hand to hold on to the marker, while using her right hand to pull open, and close, the cap). Noel enjoyed learning each new skill through play.

OBSERVATION: I found that this little "Wall Flower" was waiting to be paid attention to, in order to blossom. Just with the short amount of time I had the privilege of spending with her, one-on-one, Noel BLOSSOMED with so much laughter, gusto for living and for learning. And did she ever improve!

CONCLUSION: This brings me to what I, and most people who work with people, already know: We all need to be special to someone. When we are special to that one person, our hearts and souls well are buoyed, our self-confidence grow, and we can "Go out and conquer the world" - at least, to accomplish what God has "prepared in advance for us to do" (Ephesians 2:10)~ the ability/gifting/talents God has placed in each of us "before the foundation of the world was set."

Reflections on China Orphanage Exploratory Trip

I was blessed in my first short term missions trip to two well-run orphanages/foster homes outside Beijing, along with a team of four others. We were "Team JAMES," as the first letter of each of our name spelled, "James." We were: Jose, Angela, Mary, Elissa and Susan. While JAMS flew to Beijing on January 1st, I joined them on the 5th.

The two special needs foster homes we visited were: Shepherd's Field Children's Village (SFCV) and New Day Creations Foster Home. While at SFCV, I had the opportunity to ask Dr. Bill Moody, the chief pediatrician there, my burning questions: "How do these (over 100) children get attached to the nannies who care for them? What happens when a nanny has to leave SFCV? How do these children have enough secure attachment when there are so many care-takers and having to share their attention with so many other children?"

It turns out that there are five homes on SFCV campus, each one houses around 20-22 children. Seven nannies are on duty for each of the two 12 hour tours, daily. So the care-taking ratio is one nanny to three children. These nannies all work as a team (of seven), together, they love and care for these children. So, while the turn over rate is very low at SFCV, when a nanny does leave, the children are still attached to the other nannies. Each child then has contact with a total of 14 nannies who care for him/her.

I fell in love with one of the children in SFCV, Noel. She is a six years old girl who has Cerebral Palsy with Spasms. I met her on Thursday, January 7th, when I was playing Legos with another child. Noel dragged herself across the floor with her one good arm, while looking like she's having a seizure (spasms). She was a resilient, independent and very happy girl. As I sat on the floor, I so enjoyed putting her on my lap and squeezing her! The last morning we were at SFCV, I went to her home: House of Love, to play with her. She was playing Legos with other children. Since Noel was very "frail," - as in, not having much physical strength - other kids were grabbing the Lego blocks from her. I fought to get her blocks back from the other kids, yelling at the other kids, "It's Noel's! It's Noel's!" I then horded some blocks for Noel so she can complete her project, and fought off other kids from taking the blocks from the stash I saved for her.


Thinking back on the event, it's pretty hilarious that as a 49 year old woman, I was fighting with the other little children in order to protect MY Noel.


After these two weeks visit at two separate foster homes, my present thoughts in regards to our Community Home are: Maybe we can have all the adults who are interested in being part of this Community Home, to be certified as Foster Parents. This way, each of the foster parent would be raising their (natural and foster) children together in our community, with the help of all the other adults in our community home to co-raise all of the children. This way, each foster child would have his/her own set of foster parent, while also having attachments with other adult/parent/care-takers. If a member of our community has to leave the community, we can petition to have the foster child to continue to stay with us, then another adult in our community would step up to become the foster parent for this child. This would prevent the child from having to get moved around from foster home to foster home. This child would also already have a relationship with this new foster parent, since this new foster parent has been part of the child's life at our community home.


Since I'd want us to be able to raise our 40 children permanently, the stipulation would be that their parents' parental rights have been terminated before we would take on the child. This way, we wouldn't "lose" them after having gotten attached to them. We'd raise them and send them to college and "be" their family for the rest of their lives...thus the idea of raising 40 children together as a "Community Home/Family."


I'd love to hear others' (as in, you, the reader's) thoughts on this idea!

Questions Needing Answers

I, along with a team of four others, called, "Team JAMES," will be traveling to Beijing, China, in January as an exploratory trip to see how two orphanages are able to sustain themselves, and to learn from them. Believing that each person needs to have someone who finds him/her special in order to be able to have the security to "go and conquer the world", some questions I have - which I will be carrying on my heart and mind on this trip are:

• How could we ensure that each of the 40 kids in our community orphanage/home would be able to be attached to a(n) adult(s) so they would have someone(s) who finds them uniquely special and deeply loves them?
• Should we have each child be "assigned" (hopefully through natural "clicking" matching/pairing) to an adult when s/he first enter our community, and that adult would be the emotional/spiritual parent for the child.
• If the above is to be done, what would happen if this "parent" left the orphanage due to their own life circumstances - we can always find another adult to step up, but how traumatic might it be for the child to "loose" their special parent due to relocation?

One of the other thought I have is for each of our children be in psychotherapy throughout their time at home with us, thus they'll always have another adult who loves them and finds them special. This would be done with our Psychotherapy Service in the Professional Arts Building located on our campus. The psychotherapy service can be staffed by mental health and social work interns, along with other mental health professionals.

I'd love to hear your (reader) ideas on any logistical thoughts, philosophical questions that might come to your mind, so together, we can see where God might want to lead us concerning this dream...

Some Logistic Thoughts

Thanks to all the comments both on this blog as well as through personal e-mail messages (thank you all for your support, encouragement and wonderful questions and ideas), these are some logistical thoughts on this Community Orphanage/Home concept (although all of these logistical thoughts are "works in progress", and, just thoughts/dreams for now, which would need LOTS of fine-tuning):

• The location is being thought of is in commutable distance from New York City, so people in this community can travel down to the city for their jobs and to make a living (and to help support the orphanage). Since lots of acreage is needed, I thought either Putnam or Dutchess County might afford the acreage while still being "commutable distance".
• I don't know about any of the laws in NYS that might govern such an idea, since I only know of foster care/group home setting in the States, versus a "real" orphanage where the children would stay permanently and grow up in one large family with lots of uncles and aunts - I don't want to lose these kids to others adopting them. Thus, it'd be a "combination" of adoption and group home living situation?
• The preliminary idea is to raise 40 children together, but it'd be whatever the capacity: adults to children (ideally 1:4?) ratio, as well as the physical space and financial ability to raise these children.
• The targeted children would be any child who is in need of a permanent home - children in the States and possibly internationally (don't know the logistics/cost factors of international adoption).
• Wouldn't it be great if the orphanage/home can have sister-relationships with orphanages at other countries, who would "give" us the children they can't afford to raise, for us to raise - without the exorbitant fees and costs of regular international adoption...
• Both single adults as well as families who have the vision/burden/love to bless parentless-children can rally together to raise these children together. They can live on the grounds, in the main building complex that'd house shared living space with the children, while also having separate/private living quarters in condo setting, in each "wing" off this shared space.
• Children will be staying (in their own rooms) in "wings" off the shared space as well, by gender and by their age group.
• Some adults who might need more privacy can live in well built and attractive, free-standing houses on the grounds, not in the main building complex, and come into the main building to provide their share of the care-taking duties.
• If we can have enough free-standing, good, solid, attractive housing on the grounds, we can attract people to join in this effort while only having to put in two five-hour shifts a week per household, in care-taking of these children. This way, not everyone in the household has to be committed to the actual care-taking of the children.
• "Group housing" of these attractive free-standing houses can drive the cost of the building and maintaining of the grounds down - with the cost saving benefits be passed on to the running and maintaining of the orphanage/ home.
• This orphanage/home would be self-sustaining in terms of finances, human labor, and even with a small organic farm to grow our own vegetables, as well as possibly a small dairy farm to raise chickens for eggs and cows for milk?!
• On the grounds of this complex, there will be three concentric circles:
• The first and most outer one would house three main buildings at the front: A professional arts building where medical, dental, physical therapy, speech therapy, psychotherapy and any other professionals can rent space to operate out of; a community center to house an after school program, day care, social services, space for the surrounding community to interact with one another, and it'd be a "giving back" to the neighborhood center, including maybe an auditorium where the community can have community theatre, and/or a church can meet for worship services; the third building would be a retail building for local businesses.
• All of the rental proceeds would go to the running and sustaining of the orphanage/home.
• Ideally, the professionals having their practice in the professional arts building would have their the profits go to the orphanage, as their way of supporting the orphanage.
• Free-standing private homes will also be in this first concentric circle.
• The Second concentric circle would house an Assisted Living facility, primarily for people who have invested their finances and energy in the running/care taking of the children, who have gotten elderly and are in need of affordable housing with some assistance.
• There will also be a nursing home as part of the continuity of care of this community of care-takers/investors.
• Children from the orphanage/home would help take care of the elderly who have invested in their lives and of the children who have gone before them; maybe be employed in any of the businesses in the three buildings in the first concentric circle; and would rotate in taking care of the organic/dairy farm as well as the upkeep of the grounds (just like one'd have chores in and around one's home) - but all according to their gifts and talents. Meaning, it'd be an opportunity for each child to find their gifting and calling in their lives by serving one another and working "on the grounds/complex".
• There would be two free-standing Personal Chapels/Retreat Efficiencies for care-takers who live in the main building, for them to be able to "get away" and have a breather from interacting with the community all the time.
• There would be three to four free-standing Quiet Rooms that the teenage children can earn their "points/way" to, so they can have some private and quiet time away from all the other children, and adults.
• There would be playgrounds: a swimming pool, tennis, volleyball, basketball courts for the children to enjoy.
• The third and most inner concentric circle would be the main building complex orphanage/home itself, where the children would live in, along with adult care-takers would choose to live off the shared space in their own private wings.

Vision for a Community Orphanage/Home

This is a rough idea to start a Community Orphanage/Home here in New York State:

• Pooling together the resources of adults who have a love and vision to "adopt"/raise hard-to-adopt children together.


• "It takes a village to raise a child" adage is adapted here to become: "It takes a community to raise a group of children."


• Instead of each family adopting one or two children and having to pool the physical and emotional energy of their extended "families" to raise these kids, we'd pool the families together to have more resources (financial, physical, emotinonal, spiritual) to raise not just one or two, right now I'm thinking of - 40 children.